Rules of Engagement in Relationship Warfare

So this being the first post in while I wanted to discuss something that pertained to all of us. Arguments. What are the rules for arguments? Well I will say one thing do not do what this one guy did a few days ago. No, I am not talking about me, I am talking about some goober in the restroom at the Davis Field House at BJU. So I was in the bathroom, yes its what I do, and a guy came in. He was talking on the phone. I was interested in the conversation immediately because it sounded a bit heated. I was able to hear the female on the other end of the line. I quickly became aware of the fact that they were arguing about getting off the phone with each other. "Huh," I said, "That is worthwhile to argue about." Well as I finished my business the argument was getting even more heated. I flushed the toilet. All of a sudden I can hear plainly on the other end of the line,
"ARE YOU IN THE BATHROOM?"
"No." Goober says.
I hear this and take pity on the girl for dating such an idiot liar face. I then decide to get back at him for the girl. The toilet is flushed again. The stall door is slammed. The sink is turned on full blast and the paper towel dispenser is used multiple times. Yes. I was going to make sure that she knew that he was in the bathroom. I did not hear much conversation after the second time I needed to get paper towels. I felt good about myself after this. I think that if I can be the public defender of females against guys who totally don't have it together. I don't think that I will always have it together but if I can help out a girl with a stupid guy then I will. I hope all of you other males will defend against this stupidity.
Thank you!

Christmas Time

I was thinking of a song today. The song is called "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year". I was thinking of this song as I was walking through Target. The first accident that made me think of this song was actually a lady who trying to park her Ford Excursion in a space that it was just not going to go. I sat patiently for the first five minutes while she backed up and tried the same thing over and over again. Then for the next five minutes I sat a little impatiently. She finally realized that her bus was not going into the spot so she backed out and drove away. I quickly filled the spot with my more economical Ford Explorer. I thought to myself "Its okay. Its the most wonderful time of the year." I approached the store. I said, "Am I really going to do this. There are eighteen thousand cars in the parking lot, most them home-school type minivans, and I am going to walk in there." I told myself I must. I must do it for the white elephant party, which it will be another post but I hate those too. I trudged onward and inward. Into the store I went. I was thankful I did not need a cart because Herman the cart boy was no where to be seen. I walked through the middle of the store trying to avoid the women's and kids clothing section. (Side note: Isn't funny that this is the only time of year that you will see lots of men in the women's section and lots of women in the men's section. Huh.)
Anyways. I made it past Granny, who was determined to go as slow as possible through the candle aisle in her stupid old person cart, and into the toy section. It was at this point that I realized the flaw in my plan. I was supposed to go around the toy section, and now I was knee deep in toddlers who wanted toys now and on Christmas day. Grandparents who are determined to get there precious little grand tykes the biggest and the baddest toys. Cousins, Uncles, Aunts, Moms, Dads, all clamoring and shoving just to get little suzie that one improperly proportioned barbie that has just come out. A little kid is crying to my left, I still don't know what I want to get for this stupid party. I pummel my way out of the toy seciton and into the bleakest section of the store the camping/hiking section. Who wants camping gear for Christmas. Thats when I saw it. It was the one, the best gift ever (for a white elephant) it was... a Target brand Nalgene bottle. Yes, I said to myself, that is perfect. It only costs four dollars and it could be funny, but it could be used too. I have at this point completed my mission. Then I realize, I'm still in the store. I have to pay. I quickly walk the long way around avoiding the utter mayhem of the toy section. I make it to the cash registers. I am only two people from being free. One, Two, oh joyous day its my turn. I pay and then run out as quickly as I can saying to myself, The person who wrote, "Its the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" must not have shopped for a white elephant gift at Target during Christmas time. I don't know but lets be reasonable about this folks. Online shop, that all I'm going to say. Until next time Peace be unto you.

Blinkers, Part 1

I live in Greenville, SC. I drive in Greenville, SC. I have been studying something for the past few days and now I will share it with all of you faithful orange monkey babies out there. What I have been studying is that fact that cars in Greenville have blinkers on them, but for some reason they just don't seem to mean anything. There are several scenarios that I have witnessed recently.
Scenario 1:
Car you are following approaches his turn with blinker on correctly five hundred feet from the turn.
Everything goes well, you have appropriate time to brake and you don't in any way get mad.
Scenario 2:
Car you are following turns on blinker. You slow down as needed and then realize that the person is not slowing down. You wonder to yourself, "Huh, I think he is toying with me." The blinker remains on for several thousand feet and then turns off. You decide that you are tired of this ridiculousness and you roar past the car angrily.
Scenario 3:
Car you are following is a safe multiple car length from you. You are driving along jamming to what you jam to when all of a sudden the car in front of you decides to slam on his brakes and then whip into the turn, in turn making you slam on your brakes. He finally makes the turn becuase by this time he has slowed down to about five or six miles per hour. You do your best to give the person that just made this outrageously crappy turn, the dirtiest look you can muster. They end up not seeing you because they could care less about you. You get even more mad and drive really fast because that really helps a lot.

Mudding

So I was thinking the other day, "Self, who in the world invented the sport of mudding." I thought about it for a minute and this is pretty much how my thought process went.

"Somebody buys a truck, with hopefully four wheel drive, and then tries to find a big pit of mud. Once said mud pit is located then said redneck decides to take this newly purchased four wheel drive vehicle and drive it to through the mud. After several passes through the mud, the redneck will then step out of the truck and look at the mud that he has just slung onto the side of his truck. If the redneck has a buddy they will definitely talk about the beauty of the mud for a few minutes, say how cool it just was, then get back into the truck. The redneck then drives around town with the mud on the side of his truck hoping that as many girls as possible will look at him. He then gets tired of that and drives his truck to the nearest self serve car wash, and wash his truck off. He then drives home and goes on about his life, promising himself that he will not go and do that again since it is bad for his truck."

Huh, sounds like a weird thing to do says most people but you know what I think its pretty awesome. That's my take on things.

Just so you know I changed the settings so now you should get an email when I post. Later.

So I was watching the travel channel the other day, and I came across a delicious show. It was called "Barbeque Heaven". It was a show about the top ten best bbq places in all of the US. Pretty sure that instead of going to Hardee's for dinner. I ended up at Little Pigs right before church. I don't know what it is, but when I see bbq or ribs flash up on the screen my mouth automatically starts to water. Now I know that I may be a little on the bigger side but seriously your mouth would water too, I don't care how thin you are. I think that I may do a little research about bbq and find out who came up with the idea. I think I will then build a time machine, find the person and give them a firm handshake. I will then tell them that I love them.

What's up yall. I haven't blogged in a while becuase I have been a little busy. I hope that you have all been well.
Well the most recent thing that I have done is go to an operetta at school. It was pretty amazing. It was called the pirates of Penzance. So here is what happened. Guy turns 21. Guy can now leave pirate band he was apprenticed to. Guy has only seen one ugly lady all of his life and does not want to get married to her. Guy notices some girls that come down to the beach. Guy wants to get married to one of them. One of them speaks up. Enter the girls father. Girls father then gets threatened by said pirates until he lies and tells the pirates that he is an orphan. Blah blah blah blah. They all get married in the end and live hopefully happily ever after.
I will try to be more consistent with my posting but for now bye.